On a slightly more serious note....

I've identified a new target. This is a bit different mission because I'm not drawn to this person because I foresee a running buddy or someone to make casseroles with, but because I think he needs a friend. Maybe, having so much experience with needing friends, I can now more readily recognize the same need in others. I just feel this person needs someone in his corner telling him to get back in there even when his face is covered in blood and he has a string of drool hanging down on the ground. His corner, from what I can tell, seems to be populated by occasional tumbleweeds rolling along to the disheartening soundtrack of crickets.

Handy, which is what I'm calling him, is friendly and keeps a good outlook despite having managed to place himself in a situation that mandates all fully functioning members of society to furrow their brows and write him off as a loser who is getting only what he deserves, and maybe less. That's certainly what I did.

Handy is a client where I work. Despite not using his real name, I'm going to endeavor to be as vague as I can be while still painting the picture of the situation. Most people know where I work and can probably guess at most of what I don't say, but I think I should be extra careful anyway. When I first saw Handy he was seeking legal help since his mountain of charges called for him to be thrown in jail and the key fed to the dog. He made a stupid, inexcusable, irresponsible choice that put others at risk, and then he went ahead and did it a couple more times. When I first met Handy he managed to make me dislike my job simply because I was part of a force that would help the likes of him.

I hated him in my heart, and though I had no authority to make this judgment, I decided someone God had created was perhaps a little better than worthless. I really hate writing this and am a little surprised at myself. There is no law saying that I have to blog about the gross parts of my character that would otherwise would remain hidden. But my hope is that there will be a point at the end. We'll see.

Because of the nature of my jobs (yep, plural) I am privy to a lot of extremely private client information. So as I'm working, I discover that Handy has indeed placed himself at the uttermost bottom of the proverbial barrel. His life sucks. He is alone in a seemingly hopeless situation. He doesn't need me to mentally tell him he's a screw-up, he knows it. He knows he now has to claw himself out of this situation, and as he's already driven away his support system, he has to do it alone.

So it seems to me that, apparently, God is not okay with my thoughts regarding this individual. Conviction has made this fact annoyingly obvious. However, it was Handy himself that helped me drum up some compassion. He learned my name quickly and his humble and gentle demeanor won me over. He was always courteous and never impatient when I couldn't answer his questions or when it became more obvious than usual that I didn't know what I was doing. A rapport developed... and then, well, not quite a friendship, but our interactions seem to have reached a different level than the ones I have with other clients. And then there was a night when for whatever reason, no one else was around. Co-worker had left and there were no other clients around. Handy came in early and light conversation ensued. We had run out of coffee and since sadly that's pretty much the only thing I'm solely in charge of, I was going to make some more. He wouldn't have it and insisted that I make it myself. We talked for a little bit and then he let me see his sketchbook.

If you create, whether it be music, writing, lawn sculptures out of used tires, whatever, you know that it's something special. When I write stories, they're a part of my heart, and it's extremely personal. Showing them to someone else feels like a risk. So it was special to me when Handy showed me something so personal. The guy's got talent, too.

So we're a kind of friends now. We only see each other at my places of employment, and because I signed a contract saying I would not socialize with clients, there is really no potential for anything more. That part is a bit sad, but then, because of age and gender differences, I'm not sure how much more would be appropriate anyway. I'm so grateful that God helped me see this man differently. I count it a privilege to know him now, and I look forward to the days I know he's coming in. He wished me luck in the marathon, which made me smile somewhat confusedly, because I definitely did not tell him I was running one. But then, since he never told me the things I know about him (i.e. his social history, legal history, and the state of his mental health) I suppose he can know something about me (especially something I've hardly kept private).

I pray for Handy. I pray that people that haven't signed agreements prohibiting them from doing so will be his friend. I pray that the interactions we have will be encouraging to him. Suddenly my extremely part-time file girl job is so much more important. And who else here can I encourage? Even if I can only do so by taking time to listen to them and greeting them as sincerely as possible, I know these things are meaningful to others because they have been meaningful when others have extended the same kindnesses to me. And then the big one-- who else have I written off before they even had a chance? Here I am, eager as a puppy for the checkers in the grocery store to ask me how I am or the post office worker to wish me a nice day, and yet, when someone needs the same from me...

I hope I learn from this mistake. I hope I remember to act like I'm interacting with humans and not perpetrators. I wish I had started off looking for ways to encourage and reach out to this man. I think I'm going to try this approach with others, for a lot of good reasons, but one of the big ones is that being nice to people feels so much better than grumbling.

As far as other updates? Well, there are many and I need to get on it with the blogging. I'll just mention really quick that I have a brownie making date this week. Clearly, I've stumbled into something good.

Love to you all,
Katie